It would be many years before Lon Lon Ranch commercialized Link's ingenious idea
You've played Ocarina of Time, I'm sure you have. I'm also certain you think you've experienced all there is to be had in the N64 juggernaut. You defeated Ganondorf, saved Hyrule and drank enough Lon Lon Milk to have bones tougher than reinforced concrete.
But, you haven't experienced... Everything. Only true heroes of time know the real magic behind Hyrule's favorite milk. Ice Cream! Yes, that delicious and creamy Lon Lon Milk has more than enough culinary power to rival any other kind of Ice Cream in the land. Oh, no need to sell yourself short like that, anyone can turn the best beverage into the best dessert! Let's make some Lon Lon Ice Cream!
First we'll need to locate the Lon Lon Milk. Most Hyrule commoners simply go to the castle marketplace where the milk has been pasteurized and given an absurd markup. Others with a budget know it's smarter to purchase direct from Lon Lon Ranch, just ask Talon about bulk purchases. Those in the know however, hold a well kept secret away from prying ears. Take your trusty Ocarina, visit one of the many cows kept at Lon Lon Ranch and play Epona's Song for them. The soothing notes will provide you with gushing quantities of fresh Lon Lon Milk, right up to the brim of your bottle!
... Or, you can simply head to your local supermarket and purchase 2 liters of Heavy/Whipping Cream (35% milk fat is best) and 1 liter of Half and Half (usually 10% milk fat). Yes, this is a lot of milk fat, but this Ice Cream is worth it and there's plenty of research around showing why fat can be and IS good for you! (if anything, the next ingredient is the unhealthy part)
The next ingredients are not nearly as adventurous in obtaining, but if you want they can be anyway. The main workhorse of Lon Lon Ice Cream is plain old table sugar. You will need 3 entire cups of it. You can get this at the Hyrule Castle market or any usual supermarket. We tried brown sugar for additional flavor but it ends up making the ice cream lose its pure white color and the flavor isn't particularly noticeable (caramelizing the milk sure would though!).
You will also need some vanilla flavoring, imitation extract is just fine, no need to shell out a lot of rupees for the fancy stuff. We tried actual vanilla pods and beans but we found the beans always sink to the bottom of the milk (like the sinking lure), so you'd need something to emulsify the mixture, which just gets in the way of the ice cream.
Lastly is the secret, salt. Table salt is okay, just pick out something that dissolves easily. Why salt? Haven't you ever had chocolate and salt covered pretzels? Sweet and salty are the yin and yang in desserts, you can't have one without the other. Throw in a teaspoon or two.
The last item you need is actually hardware, something you can't really do without. You need an ice cream churn. There are some very nice 2 quart/litre ice cream churns available at Hyrule Castle market and various retailers elsewhere. They cost about 100 rupees but are well worth the delicious return on your investment. Older hand crank models can be used here but they require a lot more know-how to use.
I'm sorry if this sounds awfully complicated, it really isn't. Here is the ingredients list in a nutshell. One is in imperial units, the other is in metric. Feel free to use whichever you're comfortable with.
- 2 quart Heavy Cream
- 1 quart Half and Half
- 3 cups white sugar
- 2 tablespoons vanilla flavoring
- 1 - 2 teaspoons table salt
- 2 Litre Heavy/Whipping Cream
- 1 Litre Half and Half
- 710 Millilitres White Sugar
- 10 Millilitres Vanilla flavoring
- 5 - 10 Millilitres table salt
These will fill a 2 quart ice cream churn twice. If you want just one batch, cut each ingredient amount by half. Why are our recipes configured for double batches? Because this ice cream is just that good!
(Link recommends crushing 10 chocolate cream sandwich cookies into each 2 quart batch)
Next comes the assembly of these simple ingredients. It's really simple, no need to get all shaky like that. Find a nice big pot (something in the 4 quart / 4 litre size), put it to medium high heat and pour in the Lon Lon Milk, sugar and salt. Save the vanilla extract for when the ice cream mixture is cooling, not heating up. The idea here is to heat the milk until the sugar melts, when you start to see steam. You can also heat up to pasteurization levels if you're paranoid.
WARNING: The Lon Lon Ice Cream mixture up to this point is very viscous and thick. Unlike say, water, it won't actually boil normally. If you put the pot to high heat and not stir the pot at all, it can superheat. That is, absorb a ton of heat and then explode if even the tiniest bubble or imperfection sets off the confined energy. Stir the pot often to break the surface tension of the milk and this won't happen.
Once the milk has reached your preferred temperature and the sugar is thoroughly dissolved, you can move the pot off the heat and stash it somewhere in the kitchen to cool. When the milk isn't burning hot anymore, you can put in the vanilla extract. After the milk has reached room temperature, it's now safe to put into the refrigerator. It's not good to put really warm things directly into the fridge, bacteria can grow under these odd conditions. Leave the mixture in the fridge for at least overnight (8 - 10 hours), this will give time for the milk to get to know its new sugar and flavorings.
This penultimate step is a risky one, but if you can defeat Ganondorf with the broken Biggoron's sword... Actually that'd be really impressive. Let's just say turning this Lon Lon milk into ice cream is pretty easy. Set up your ice cream churn according to the manufacturer's instructions first. Although they're all pretty much the same, we can't cover them all. We will say though, if your churn comes with a liquid filled freezing core, make sure it is rock hard and does not slosh or make watery sounds. It has to be frozen solid. Now just turn on the machine to get the core turning and then pour in your ice cream mixture.
You must wait at least 25 minutes before your ice cream has taken in enough air to be called ice cream. A good churning will result in an ice cream with a decent amount of creaminess and will have increased in volume. It should NOT be "watery" in any way. After 25 minutes, put your ice cream into some kind of freezer safe plastic container. Something that won't crack from the low tempratures making the plastic brittle. Link would again like to suggest putting some chocolate cream sandwich cookies in at this point, 10 crushed ones is very good, icing and all.
After about 6 hours your Lon Lon Ice Cream should be adequately hardened. Grab your favorite bowl and scoop, reach into the depths of your freezer and pull forth the ice cream container. Triumphant music and holding the ice cream above your head are optional.
Although this ice cream is incredibly delicious, it contains a ton of nutrition and energy. After consumption, you may feel a sudden urge to attempt the Ocarina of Time Uber Challenge. We don't take responsibility for your results, but we recommend additional Lon Lon Ice Cream to keep your energy up.
Written By: Aaron Wilcott
April 3rd 2014